A Rurouni Kenshin Soap Opera!
by Lexi Teniro
Summary: I think the title is somewhat self explanitory. [One shot]


**A Rurouni Kenshin Soap Opera!**

Disclaimer: I own it. So sue me. Fine, I DON'T, but that STILL doesn't mean that YOU do!

Lexi: Well, here we go…a classic soap opera starring everyone's favorites…the Kenshin-gumi!

Kenshin: T.T Why must you torture this one?

Lexi: (Sticks tongue out and grins) 'Cause it's fun!

Sano: (Attempts to escape)

Lexi: (Grabs collar of jacket) NUH UH! I need ALL of you! Now ON WITH THE FIC!

WARNING: Screwy pairing alert, but everything will be normal by the end (traditional pairings)! And OOC-ness abound…

* * *

Kenshin looked uncomfortably around the Akabeko. She was late.

The woman rushed in, pulling up the shoulder of her kimono. "I'm sorry, I was delayed, darling." She said, smiling.

He pointed to the seat across from him. "Please sit, Megumi my love, this one has been waiting."

Megumi complied with a sigh, her smile never fading. "I had some…things…to take care of…" She laughed brightly. With his sharp eyes, Kenshin didn't miss the white-clad man coming out of the same back room as his girlfriend had.

"Megumi…" He said with a strained smile. "Have you been seeing someone else?"

The vixen rolled her eyes, still smiling. "How could you suspect me, Kenshin? I thought we loved each other! Aren't we supposed to have trust?"

He scowled. "Yes, that we are."

Meanwhile, the man in white was glaring at their table. Even though only the back of his head was visible, that was QUITE sufficient to identify him. "Megumi, you bitch." He muttered. "I thought you loved me."

Kenshin felt the spike of someone's ki from across the room and whipped around sharply. "There's someone watching us." He said, stating the obvious so the viewers knew what was going on.

"Oh no!" Megumi gasped…still smiling. "Could it be the man in white, my ex-boyfriend who is now out to kill me because I betrayed him and then tried to kill him with his own gun?"

"No…" Kenshin scowled. "I think it is the man in white, your CURRENT boyfriend who you've been seeing behind this one's back…who now wants to kill THIS ONE."

"It couldn't be!" She gasped again…you guessed it, STILL smiling.

"It is…" The man in white snarled, revealing himself to them to be Sanosuke, although any faithful viewer would already know THAT.

"Sanosuke darling! Kenshin darling! Please don't kill each other over me!" She cried, tears streaming down her face over the ever-present smile.

"Why would we do that?" Kenshin asked. "You aren't the only one who has been seeing people behind other's backs."

"No…" She gasped, eyes wide, grinning brilliantly. "Not you and Sanosuke!"

"Kami-sama no!" Both men cried, disgusted.

"Oh…good…" She said, in a brief moment of out-of-soap-opera-character.

"No…this one has been seeing Miss Tae, that he has." Kenshin sighed.

Sanosuke did a visible twitch. "You too!"

Megumi cradled her head in her hands, STILL, STILL smiling. "This is all so complicated!"

Kaoru walked in and slapped Kenshin across the face. "How could you? For BOTH of them! My two best friends! THREE! I know about you and Sanosuke!"

The men cringed. "NO!"

Sanosuke recovered first. "Wow, Kenshin…TWO women behind Kaoru's back…Tae's back…Megumi's back…THREE women total? And here I thought you were GAY!"

Kenshin shuddered. "This one is NOT—"

Everyone's favorite man/woman/IT walked in and slapped Kenshin across the face. "How COULD you? I finally find love with you and you have the nerve to dump me after a day!"

The rurouni cringed. "This one thought you were a woman for that day, that he did!"

All the others began inching away for the door. "Oh no, it's the classic and necessary character, the he/she!" Kaoru gasped in horror, smiling brightly.

Tears began to stream down Kamatari's smiling face. "I thought you LOVED me! Well, that's it, Himura-san! I'm not going to cry any more tears over YOU!" He…she…it flounced out of the Akabeko, much to the relief of the others.

Kaoru began beating Kenshin to a pulp. "I'm your canon pairing! The least you can do is not let me find OUT when you cheat on me!"

"ORO! This one is sure that plenty of men cheat, that they do! Sessha bets that Shinomori Aoshi has at LEAST two girls behind Misao-chan's back!"

_(In Kyoto, Aoshi sneezed violently several times.)_

"But men don't cheat on ME! And you know WHY?" Kaoru asked with a scary grin.

"N-no?" Poor Kenshin asked hesitantly.

Kaoru giggled happily. "Because I'm the psychotic femme fatal with the serial killer past! FEEL MY WRATH!"

No one in the Akabeko seemed to notice anything…except for the almost deceased Kenshin. Sanosuke and Megumi were having a tear-filled heart-touching moment.

"But…you're the only one of all the women that I'm seeing that I actually love!" He said, practically expressionless, holding her hands.

Megumi smiled brilliantly. "And you're the only one of my dozens of men that I actually give a crap about! I love you!"

"I love you, too!"

Tear-filled, heart-touching moment over.

Back to the psychotic ex-serial killer.

Kaoru was sobbing hysterically and smiling brightly at Kenshin's funeral. "I'm so sorry, love…but now we can finally be together, and you will be all mine! I'll see you soon, Kenshin!" She raised a dagger to her heart, smiling happily.

A familiar hand caught her wrist. "Please, Miss Kaoru, do not kill yourself over this one's stunt double for death scenes!"

"KENSHIN!" She exclaimed, throwing her arms around his neck and crying tears of joy…still smiling.

Sudden change of scene…and mood.

Outside, garden, rose arbor.

"I love you, Kaoru-dono, that I do." He said solemnly.

"I love you, Kenshin darling…" She smiled, throwing herself into a heated and obviously faked kiss.

Now what about Tae?

"Ah love ya, Chou darlin'!"

WHAT! RE-WIND!

"Ah love ya, Chou darlin'!"

"Ah love ya, mah perty Tae…"

Play sappy music.

Play "Aaaw!" track.

All of the happy couples are shown, happy…married…etc. Is this the end of the series? No way! We all know that soap operas only get good once there's adultery involved! So tune in next time, for more of "A Rurouni Kenshin Soap Opera!"!

Play ending theme.

* * *

Lexi: Don't. Ask.

Kenshin-gumi males: (In hiding)

Kenshin-gumi females: (Searching for Kenshin-gumi males)

Lexi: This may or may not continue. Probably not. In any case, review! JA!


End file.
